an so....i dont know?

Being the age i am Ive realised a few things, no one prepares you for anything! I'm not saying its everyones concern to tell you everything, but a few facts would of been nice. I got hefty confused with this whole saas business, so i go to the front desk and the 'lovely' women just had a blank expression on her face an promptly handed me a leaflet, forgetting the fact i don't need this leaflet i know what I'm doing i only asked what this eight digit number was saas so desires? .....she didn't know, i didn't know, an i still don't know, im assuming she doesn't know still ether.
Going back a few....few years no one told me the process of getting to college and beyond. They ask you what you wanna do, and i rattled off something about design thinking that's good enough to get them to GO AWAY! if someone had sat me down, shook me an explained that, first if u want to do design you go do appropriate the coarse, theeen you got to have this paper work to get funding, then if you so desire this is the next part of it. People are dropping out of college left right and centre, giving up on something because it feels like whats the point? No one shows us the future, or how to get there or what to do when we are there. No one sits us down an says CUT THE CRAP THIS IS SERIOUS! unless you wanna be on the dole obviously. I had no clue what was on offer after my art coarse. What was i supposed to do? randomly go on another course? I don't know, i was confused. So i went on a completely different course, another nq. At the end of that people said they were applying for uni already! if i wanted to pursue what i wanted at the time would i have to all of a sudden up sticks and move? get loads of money together? should i apply ed as well? I when i was supposed to be moving on to the next step i stopped and just took up a full time job. Give it a year an a bit an i know i cant work 9-5 doing something i honestly hate doing. So back i go, an really its gotten a bit better im more in the know about stuff, but seriously i needed to know this stuff years back. They should take out a class or add one in high school an just EXPLAIN stuff! in dumb people terms, i didn't have a single clue, i only have started getting it. Or maybe im just dumb?

now yor all gone

Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that.
Now you're all gone got your make-up on and you're not coming back.
Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash, under your breath.




Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that.Now you're all gone got your make-up on and you're not coming back.

damn im thirsy for some chemicals

There have been lots of say so about a chemical called Aspartame.Good for consumption, bad for consumtion? where one set of people will say its safe, it should be its been approved by the food agencys, an then theres the other set.....like my sister who blame it on every SINGLE one of her symtems. While im not saying there isnt a health risk to any of us drinking an eating something that isnt natrual, or natrually sorced, im also not saying its the dooms day for us all having that suger free bar an diet coke. And plus coke have come a long way since adding real cocaine to there drink. Wouldnt we all complain if this 'health risk' was taken away from us anyways? what would the people who never drink full fat do? what will those skinnie minnies who enjoy a good no suger bar do? Needless to say a public kick up would start. An plus to much suger is bad for us to! What is one to do and think?
Some of the symptoms of aspartame have been reported as...
Headache
Dizziness
Change of mood
Vomiting
Cramps
Change in vision
Diarrhea
Memory Loss
Weakness
Sleep problems
Change in heart rate
Numbness
Change in activity levels
Difficulty breathing

Is it just me or does this sound like the aftermath of a drunken night?
Im sceptical to say the least.
My sister is the person who particularity annoys me, she drinks every weekend, and she drinks allot! a couple weeks ago she went on a Friday Saturday Sunday an Monday bender! obviously she was gonna be hung over.
She had a can of coke, and now obviously blamed everything on this chemical. Shes convinced shes allergic to it, and she ain't letting go of her therie! it actually annoys me no end! i know we take it in our own hands to what we eat drink an smoke but more people die of smoking than having a can of coke. Get real!

Is organic where its at?

Fact, organic produce doesn't taste any better than ordinary. What does taste better is fresh carrots in the summer, not in winter once they have been stored for months and have more transport miles than the starship enterprise. How do you justify the crazy prices for Organic meat when to be organic, most of the expensive processes used by farmers are left out. If you want better tasting veg and fruit, grow it yourself and eat if fresh. What about organic crisps? Sure the potatoes may have survived with out being sprayed, but that seems stupid when they are covered in oil, fried, doused in salt or artificial flavours. The bit i do like about it is mabye with organic the animals are treated better. Had a better life while they had it.

Swine flu...or just common flu?

I suspect out of all this swine flu business it might just be the normal flu making its rounds. Like it does every year, only this time its a bit stronger. Scientists even say that the flu virus gets stronger as time passes. Ive read articles of it being around as early as WWI so it is capable of dyeing down, but just this time its flaring up again. Just let time go by and i suspect this will pass. Then we can start something else that's 'dangerous' to our health.
Why don't we just look after ourselves anyways? We all know whats good for us and whats bad for us and that looking after yourself your more capable of fighting of disease. Henry the 8Th had malaria, varicose ulcers, possible brain damage, and suffered from migraines after a smack to the front of his head, apparently he had syphilis as well, and to top it all off, diabetes. In the end everything just ravishing his unhealthy body, but my point is in the days when medicine was leaches, Henry lived with multiple infections, but he was a fit active young man, and only started getting ill when he stopped moving and couldn't play anymore. An that's my point we care more about the cure, why don't we fix the cause?

Thinking of the living

I was reading this book and a certain quote really stuck in my head. When people die, either naturally or of a disease, when they finally go and leave this world, and this is where the quote made me think "We grieve for the living," and it does seem true to me.
I thought back to when my grandad who died a couple of years ago of cancer (due to smoking) we all felt terrible for my grandad but ultimately i was thinking of my gran, how was she coping? I don't know what ide gain by writing this but ultimately that maybe its true. The fact it was such a small simple sentence made the impact on me so much greater, something so simple can easily never be said cos its to simple people haven't thought about it. Very rairley does anything stick in my head, and the fact that this did made it special. Also Ive always just assumed we grieve and its for the dead. If i think, i wasn't, yes its sad there gone, but there gone, there free now. My gran is still here and really i felt sad for her. The fact her life changed so dramatically. I wonder if other people realise that in fact they were grieving for the living without noticing it as well. I certainly was.

Easter Vs Christmas

I'm not a Christian and i don't know much about the meaning of Easter, except that perhaps Jesus came back to life. Christmas is the story of Jesus being born. Both kinda just....false. I believe that there is something higher than us all, something spiritual. Not aliens but something. Now though both have kinda lost most of there meaning in a flurry of money and chocolate. Easter i think has almost entirely lost its meaning. Its this random holiday that means we get stuffed on chocolate, mums try and stick to there diets and we get a nice wee holiday for a couple of weeks. Not to do anything like remember Christ coming back to life, but mostly to stay up late and then sleep in the next day. Christmas is rife with give give give and take take take. It seems. It feels special though. Its that time if you have ignored someone for so long then would be a good time to push differences aside and reunite. Family have time to come together again, and gran has a chance to embarrass everyone and have a good knees up on a couple cheerys. Somehow it feels cosy and theres a twinkle in every ones eyes. Its a time to think of the upcoming year and pro mice yourself a new start. Something new to focus on. Christian or not its special, if not for religious reasons then for the reason you get to see people you haven't for years, its a time to set things aside and take stock, and just enjoy being off and being thankful. Christmas trumps Easter.

ITS A CON!!!

Who gets paid up to £30 a hour, doesn't do anything, can get as much money out of you as they please and all in all you accept it? you take it like a beeeatch! DRIVING INSTRUCTORS! and everything tailing of from them. The theory tests, the practical tests! they all want money...and loads of it. For what? nothing it feels like. They fail you for ANYTHING these days. It was never this hard to get your ass into a car before. All i hear is how easy it was for people 'back then' to pass there test. Prices have went up as well. How are we meant to pay for all this? An the trouble isn't over when you pass...oh no!...you got to get the car first, get the insurance, get the tax, get the m.o.t, heaven forbid there should be anything actually wrong with your car. More money. Will this list ever end? No! cos there's rises in petrol prices. People will laterally have to live in there cars at this rate. They will be worth more than your house and children.
Perhaps we should all go back to walking. Obesity was scarce in the 60's and 70's, depression was decreased, pollution wasn't as harsh and over all there was less road accidents, obviously. Maybe we should all go back to walking and public transport. Life would would be tranquil again. I'm not saying it wasn't hard back then but the stupid little minuscule rule that have been imposed today really aren't necessary and i think, personally, its all for the money and that's shameful!

ALSO!

FEEDER ARE KICKASSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

Blink 182

I think its awesome that the pop punk band Blink 182 are back together! Pave the way i say, pave that yellow brick road! I think its even better that i can now say there a oldie but a goodie! I can officially say 'ah in my day' it makes me happy. Many people don't like them but there my childhood man! and a happy it was. I remember loads of warm summers lying on the trampoline with friends chatting, laughing, drinking, eating, thinking of things to do that night. All the while repeating a single made up CD with the likes of Sum 41, Blink 182, Bloodhound Gang, Offspring, Zebrahead, Bowling for soup, and cringly now Good Charlotte, but hey they had there moments too. I love officially thinking they were 'Our day' Music, AND GOOD MUSIC IT WAS! ill be happy taking there names with me through the years to pass on, and obviously be criticized by the youth of the day.

Mums and dads will for ever be rememberd for having good oll David Bowie, Roxy Music, Frankie goes to Hollywood, Echo and the Bunnymen and and Elvis Costello. All extremely listened to death by me as well, much to the delight of me maw, but personally i like who this generation are taking down in history, they've stood the test of time and one more come back should be on the cards...hopfully, but i just hope after that they will put the guitars down and not become the sad old wannabes of the past. Visage spring to any ones mind? My god Madonna sring to anyones mind?!

Jim Morrison is ALIVE!

3 July of 1971 Jim Morrison, an icon to millions dies!...or does he? Theres been so many debates to what exactly or who exactly is lying in Jim's grave? Famously Jim complained of fame and being in a band altogether, he just loved to write poetry and others to appreciate his work for what it is. I don't think for a second he thought that proportion of publicity would shine on him, or the fact he would become such a conquest for women. Jim without the drink and drugs was a introverted man, with everyones eyes on him he stated at one point that he wanted to stage his own death because of a French conspiracy to kill him, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix with narcotics because they were all Vietnam war protesters. Its to much of a freaky coincidence that the 27 club came about, most of the people on it have mysteriously died from narcotics! (Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix) they have actually died, people have witnessed the bodies of the deceased, but Jim's was famously never seen, only that off 'Higher' people. People who regruarly hide the truth and get rid of problems. People ask why would Jim leave behind his current girlfriend, leave her to grieve for a death of a loved one? but Jim wasn't stupid. He sent his girlfriend to France before he flew over himself, she checked into a hotel that he had recommenced to her, but when she arrived she met a french nobleman, a man by the name of Jean DeBreteuil, with whom she quickly started an affair. Love yeah? Jim also had many legal affairs hanging over his head, as well as a number of women claiming he had fathered there child. France, unlike Britain wasn't as hot for Jim. Perhaps he knew that by settling down in that country in a quiet remote place, he could get away with existing in anonymity and live his life the way he wanted. With the prospect of being killed off, legal battles, children he didn't want, and the plain fact how his life turned out wasn't what he wanted, why wouldn't he accept a bribe from someone? CIA perhaps? They could easily change his name, change his date of birth, fake a death, move him away and supply Jim with a sustainable amount of money to live out his days. To Jim i think it would of looked inviting.

God Sake!!!

This whole crusade on drink is getting beyond sense!!! making prices higher, stopping the selling of drink after a certain time. Making the selling age higher Its stupid! There doing all this because??
Binge drinking, OK is bad, but its a personal choice, people choose to go out and drink loads because assholes try to start fights. That's who everyone seems to be tackling. What about the innocent people who just want to go out with friends and have a drink and then go home??? Why is no one trying to fight things on there behalf? Why should we suffer with high prices? cos that's what I'm annoyed about, high prices. That and the possibility of the age going up to purchase drink. So you can get married have kids leave the house your staying in, do illegal drugs, but you cant drink? what the hell? all this and there thinking of making the legal age of sexual consent to a lower number?!?!?! Drink is a part of our lives, and there making it harder for us to do anything anymore. If anything i think the government is bored. BOOOOORED! So there deciding to do this little crappy side project that they know will piss people right off. I personally think it wont help. My mum would willingly buy the drink for me if i needed it because this whole age thing is stupid. Although with a stingey college and the loss of jobs I'm finding it hard to shell out this 'not breaking the bank' money for stupid magazines and things for class. Buying a simple bottle of juice is getting a squeeze for me. We all meant to sit at home and do nothing with ourselves till were 21? What are we meant to do with 'the best years of our life?' I remember the days when i used to go round to a friends house and we would stay all weekend an our mums would make peach snaps an we would all get £1.50 each, i remember when that would get us a chippy (generous helpings, not like now!) we would get sweets and juice, all this for £1.50!!! where are those days?? i want them back! Times now suck. Just suck in the whole term of the word. No ones happy, no ones making a effort, obviously something has gone wrong, and that is what the government should be tackling. Not drink, leave our happy source alone! GRRRRRR!!!!!

Is shyness a illness?

Should or is shyness a Illness?? Most of us to some point have had moments of a complete and utter social 'shutdown'. Which isnt bad, were all human, but what if this happens every single day of your life? what if it stops you making certain choices and talking to certain people, surly this could be counted as a illness of some sort? and what could the cure be?
Ive had teachers, fellow pupils, friends and even family tell me to cheer up, and asking if anythings wrong. Purly cos im sitting just not saying anything, the fact that somone has just drawn attension to me is mortifying enough, i can feel the flush of my cheeks and people looking, then i instantly start thinking they know im emmbarased and i can feel myself getting really anxious and, even a little bit scared. What do people think of me now? Shyness has just been me since i can remember, since i cant even remember. Ive been told storys of being put to nursary and my mum being called to come get me beacause i have just sat crying not wanting to play with anyone. Can you imagine from such a young age being thought of as 'weird' This is not the way i ever want to be, im a social person deep down, but letting that person get out is another matter. Some people can be envious of someones nice shoes, or there hair or there friends but i just wish i could be a person who could ask somone something and not feel the urge to run and go somewhere and litteraly hide. I constantly feel pulls in my personality, i want to meet new people and go out and be that somone who people actully want to be around. Then the other part of me, it seems the stronger part, keeps me in, turning down invitations, keeping myself to myself. I know this has affected how i interact with people aswell, i always feel i cant keep a conversation going, that in time i will bore somone into just forgetting about me. Its a scary thought, if im in a room with people i feel like the less liked out them all. It hurts knowing i could do so much better. I dropped out of school beacause my guidence asked me to, and that was beacuse we both knew that i wouldnt cope with 5th and 6th year. I knew it but it felt weird somone else knowing it to. When i was in primary school i just drew more attension to myself cos i refused to eat my lunch infront of people. I cant really describe it, everything i do is torure, i cant even talk to my family they feel just as much strangers to me as any oll person down the road. Is this normal? and now companys battle over what shyness is and could there be a drug to cure it? Shyness has the possiblity to destroy my life. I cant stand meeting new people and walking into a room full of people causes me to almost have a breakdown. I have NEVER, EVER felt comfortable in any group and never feel like I fit in anywhere. It causes you to hate yourself. Your mind becomes blank and you panic if someone asks you a question. I dont know if its a illness i dont know what it is, if its a faulty gene like cancer but if anything came out that claims to help me with this ide take it. If not then drink and ,dare i say drugs will have to be my only aid. Im not stupid enough to go into work or college with anything other than a sober mind and body, but sometimes i wonder how far i would go to feel normal and actully have that confidence to shout for somone acorss a room. Right now ide rather go without than ask somone for anything. I try to hide it as much as i can but some people must honestly think i dont like them or think im better than them because im not talking to them. In reality i feel that everyone has something to offer and there just better than me. Its not a state of being 'emo' as some people might think, its the fact ive been quiet all my life, ide like to know what it feels like to not have boundries, to say what i feel and do what i want to do. I cant though and i know if i dont do somthing or find something to tackle this i would become depressed by my own made icsolation. My furture scares me, i want to be a journalist but can i?

good times

I dont have particuly much to blog about this week. Nothing impresive has happend in the space of a week. Instead of moaning though i will just be thankful for the good things i do have, and when i think about it i do have alot of things i should be thinking about instead of the bad things an sit for the next two hours moaning about it. Instead i will talk about the good, no bad and no ugly. Firstly im thankful for having a nice sister, we get on well and i can still remember the first time we got drunk together. I must of looked so stupid cos i had managed to get three 70cl bottles of vodka and then asked "do you think this will be enough??" :P yeee it was. We were all camping in the middle of a field in milton of balgonie....where isnt a field in milton though? we had tents, friends, music, booze, but most of all we had sandwiches! Couple bottles in we all need the toilet so we all wanderd out amoung the field, i then decided i would go find sach (the sister) i came up by the top of the hill an she was twisting about with her trousers round her ankles, then just as i was walking closer her whole leg fell down a rabbit hole! we musta sat laughing for adges!! im so amazed she didnt pee herself! thats dedication for you!
Another time we were camping....again, it was a holiday gone wrong and we ended up camping next to a grave yard. Sach couldnt handle it though so we swapped places with some people an we slept in the back of the van. We couldnt sleep for adges so were just mucking about an talkin about crap mostly. We had drank MILLIONS! so when we needed the toilet we decided to try sneek into the park resort that we wernt allowed before. So in this pitch black back of the van were serching for our shoes. I already was totally bursting and i found my shoes and was standing a bit crooked in the van bout to get , then all of a sudden she grabs this shoe shouting "IVE FOUND IT!" grabs the shoe im wearing an actully pulls my leg in the air an drops me! I was in histerics an we had to just sit there in the dark her with one shoe on waiting till we could get up without peeing ourselfs :P Not very pretty but it was soooo funny!:D
Thens theres the time i met my boyfriend, it was probaly not the most romantic story ever told, but its personal to us anyways, its something to tell people lol.
Me an a group of friends were all going to cupar for a gig we had booze.....again, and i didnt know him at the time but he was hanging about begging people for money so he could come along. We were all getting on the bus (i think its the best part cos we all sit an put music on our phones, drink and be merry till we get there) So i was getting on the bus an i relised somone was behind me so i sorta just tryd to break the ice an said "oo lucky you, your getting to stare at my ass" I was having a bit of a fat day so was being sarcastic lol. Long story short we didnt talk all night but when we did he says i kept forcing vodka on him an he pickedme up cos i was bout to fall in a puddle hehe, good times good stuff :D i have so many funny storys involving so many different people, i couldnt say them all, but i should write them down i think now so i dinie forget them in my old age :P