Is shyness a illness?

Should or is shyness a Illness?? Most of us to some point have had moments of a complete and utter social 'shutdown'. Which isnt bad, were all human, but what if this happens every single day of your life? what if it stops you making certain choices and talking to certain people, surly this could be counted as a illness of some sort? and what could the cure be?
Ive had teachers, fellow pupils, friends and even family tell me to cheer up, and asking if anythings wrong. Purly cos im sitting just not saying anything, the fact that somone has just drawn attension to me is mortifying enough, i can feel the flush of my cheeks and people looking, then i instantly start thinking they know im emmbarased and i can feel myself getting really anxious and, even a little bit scared. What do people think of me now? Shyness has just been me since i can remember, since i cant even remember. Ive been told storys of being put to nursary and my mum being called to come get me beacause i have just sat crying not wanting to play with anyone. Can you imagine from such a young age being thought of as 'weird' This is not the way i ever want to be, im a social person deep down, but letting that person get out is another matter. Some people can be envious of someones nice shoes, or there hair or there friends but i just wish i could be a person who could ask somone something and not feel the urge to run and go somewhere and litteraly hide. I constantly feel pulls in my personality, i want to meet new people and go out and be that somone who people actully want to be around. Then the other part of me, it seems the stronger part, keeps me in, turning down invitations, keeping myself to myself. I know this has affected how i interact with people aswell, i always feel i cant keep a conversation going, that in time i will bore somone into just forgetting about me. Its a scary thought, if im in a room with people i feel like the less liked out them all. It hurts knowing i could do so much better. I dropped out of school beacause my guidence asked me to, and that was beacuse we both knew that i wouldnt cope with 5th and 6th year. I knew it but it felt weird somone else knowing it to. When i was in primary school i just drew more attension to myself cos i refused to eat my lunch infront of people. I cant really describe it, everything i do is torure, i cant even talk to my family they feel just as much strangers to me as any oll person down the road. Is this normal? and now companys battle over what shyness is and could there be a drug to cure it? Shyness has the possiblity to destroy my life. I cant stand meeting new people and walking into a room full of people causes me to almost have a breakdown. I have NEVER, EVER felt comfortable in any group and never feel like I fit in anywhere. It causes you to hate yourself. Your mind becomes blank and you panic if someone asks you a question. I dont know if its a illness i dont know what it is, if its a faulty gene like cancer but if anything came out that claims to help me with this ide take it. If not then drink and ,dare i say drugs will have to be my only aid. Im not stupid enough to go into work or college with anything other than a sober mind and body, but sometimes i wonder how far i would go to feel normal and actully have that confidence to shout for somone acorss a room. Right now ide rather go without than ask somone for anything. I try to hide it as much as i can but some people must honestly think i dont like them or think im better than them because im not talking to them. In reality i feel that everyone has something to offer and there just better than me. Its not a state of being 'emo' as some people might think, its the fact ive been quiet all my life, ide like to know what it feels like to not have boundries, to say what i feel and do what i want to do. I cant though and i know if i dont do somthing or find something to tackle this i would become depressed by my own made icsolation. My furture scares me, i want to be a journalist but can i?

good times

I dont have particuly much to blog about this week. Nothing impresive has happend in the space of a week. Instead of moaning though i will just be thankful for the good things i do have, and when i think about it i do have alot of things i should be thinking about instead of the bad things an sit for the next two hours moaning about it. Instead i will talk about the good, no bad and no ugly. Firstly im thankful for having a nice sister, we get on well and i can still remember the first time we got drunk together. I must of looked so stupid cos i had managed to get three 70cl bottles of vodka and then asked "do you think this will be enough??" :P yeee it was. We were all camping in the middle of a field in milton of balgonie....where isnt a field in milton though? we had tents, friends, music, booze, but most of all we had sandwiches! Couple bottles in we all need the toilet so we all wanderd out amoung the field, i then decided i would go find sach (the sister) i came up by the top of the hill an she was twisting about with her trousers round her ankles, then just as i was walking closer her whole leg fell down a rabbit hole! we musta sat laughing for adges!! im so amazed she didnt pee herself! thats dedication for you!
Another time we were camping....again, it was a holiday gone wrong and we ended up camping next to a grave yard. Sach couldnt handle it though so we swapped places with some people an we slept in the back of the van. We couldnt sleep for adges so were just mucking about an talkin about crap mostly. We had drank MILLIONS! so when we needed the toilet we decided to try sneek into the park resort that we wernt allowed before. So in this pitch black back of the van were serching for our shoes. I already was totally bursting and i found my shoes and was standing a bit crooked in the van bout to get , then all of a sudden she grabs this shoe shouting "IVE FOUND IT!" grabs the shoe im wearing an actully pulls my leg in the air an drops me! I was in histerics an we had to just sit there in the dark her with one shoe on waiting till we could get up without peeing ourselfs :P Not very pretty but it was soooo funny!:D
Thens theres the time i met my boyfriend, it was probaly not the most romantic story ever told, but its personal to us anyways, its something to tell people lol.
Me an a group of friends were all going to cupar for a gig we had booze.....again, and i didnt know him at the time but he was hanging about begging people for money so he could come along. We were all getting on the bus (i think its the best part cos we all sit an put music on our phones, drink and be merry till we get there) So i was getting on the bus an i relised somone was behind me so i sorta just tryd to break the ice an said "oo lucky you, your getting to stare at my ass" I was having a bit of a fat day so was being sarcastic lol. Long story short we didnt talk all night but when we did he says i kept forcing vodka on him an he pickedme up cos i was bout to fall in a puddle hehe, good times good stuff :D i have so many funny storys involving so many different people, i couldnt say them all, but i should write them down i think now so i dinie forget them in my old age :P